like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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