Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
