she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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