why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
