toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I did not marry a roomba.
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