You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
