I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
