I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You pole danced in your parka.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
