we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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