I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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