she woke up with a sticky ear
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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