Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
