Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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