It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
