I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
