Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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