u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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