Need sex. Gaining weight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
