so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
