i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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