the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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