How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
