No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
