i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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