I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
