Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize