look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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