Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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