Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
