Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
