Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
