it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
