the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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