in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
