hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
