She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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