Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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