Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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