OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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