Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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