do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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