I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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