This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
