Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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