he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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