We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
