He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
