do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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