Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
