So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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