i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
