i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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