So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
