There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
