i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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