We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
