apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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