i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
