Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
