your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
