definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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