I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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