Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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