so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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