dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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