Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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