So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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