..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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