It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
