i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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