that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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