I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
