You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
