Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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