So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
