The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
