I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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