Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
