So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
