All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
