I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
