Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
